Welcome Back to…
The Dating Project, the newest segment here at The Inside Voice! We’re talking to sexy, successful and smarty-pants women to find out what they really think and feel about dating. Because being single doesn’t mean you’re ALONE.
Let’s meet Jane!***
1. Age and Occupation? 34, but close to 35. I work in Public Health.
2. Are you currently in a relationship? Yes. We’ve been dating for a month. It’s brand new, there were no promises made.
3. Place in order of Importance: Work, Friends, Love, Other.
I’d like to put friends first. But instead, I’d order Love, then Friends, then Family as Other, then Work.
Why would you like to put friends first?
I value friends so much, I always have. My friends make me feel like I’m real. My friendships are reliable, supportive and nourishing. Friends remind me that even if I’m single, I’m not alone.
That’s my tagline! (see above)
Also, one of the benefits of being single is not having to negotiate my schedule, and having the time to build relationships with other people in my life, like my friends. Being single means not needing a man to comfort me in a certain way. I don’t feel like I need a man to hide behind, emotionally.
4. Can you spot any patterns in past relationships?
It’s important for me to feel adored. And sometimes I’ve stayed with men that adored me even when there were reasons why they weren’t right for me. I think that comes from insecurity. I constantly crave that male attention. These days, I still want to be adored, but I don’t make excuses for staying in a relationship when it just isn’t right. For the last couple of years, it’s harder to identify patterns. During that time, I was in a relationship for 5 months, but that ended a year ago. Other than that I’ve been single.
5. Rate yourself, on a scale 1-10:
6. What barriers keep you from meeting a guy you like?
I work in a field that’s full of women. My world is all women. Meeting men isn’t organic to my life routine. When I have to try to meet men, there’s an artificialness to it. It starts to feel like “shopping for the perfect model,” especially with online dating. It makes me dismissive of someone who doesn’t seem perfect right from the start. I try not get into that mode, but sometimes it creeps in.
7. What does your dating life look like now?
Now I’m experimenting with being open to dating. I’m mostly online dating. I want a partner.
8. What attributes are most attractive to you in a partner?
Intelligence. Organization. Well, by that I really want to say “someone who has their shit together, by my standard of having their shit together.” They have a career that pays the bills. They’re happy enough. They’ve figured out what they want and already started making it happen. They have something to offer as a lover, and to potentially build a family. Also, they’re really cool, and really fun.
I have this saying. “I want the roof and the stars.” The roof is the security, the reliability, the trust, the financial stability. The stars are the inspiration, excitement, lust, the romance.
That’s a beautiful description!
9. a) What does your perfect love life look like?
I’m with a committed partner who’s really fun. Creative sex. And building a future. And traveling.
b) In a word (or words), what does that scenario feel like?
Spectrum. I want a variety. Someone who can do cozy and exciting, intellectual and animal.
10. Last question, do you believe in “The One”?
No. I believe in a set of potential partners, who come in to your life at the time you need them. I don’t also necessarily believe in forever. I do believe however, that when you make a commitment, you do owe your partner some degree of selflessness.
Inside Voice Wrap Up: When I first met Jane about 2 billion years ago, she wasn’t single. And she had never been single. Indeed, she was adored by many. But when I sat down with her for this interview, she had embraced her single status. She seemed more settled, more clear, and more confident. She was glowing. She, like most of our Dating Project women, thinks deeply and speaks articulately. She’s curious, and she goes to therapy. She’s worked her shit out. And to be completely honest, I think she’s on the cusp of something great. Jane wants a partner. Jane is prepared to be a partner. And so she will have a partner. I heart Jane.
***Some names have been changed, some haven’t. Each woman has the option to use her own name or choose her fantasy pseudonym. I’m not telling which ones are which. Hear these women’s voices. Listen to their stories. They’re just like you!