Monthly Archives: March 2012

March 28, 2012

Woman-Speak, Translated.

I’m a woman. You’re a woman. Poor guys, they’re not women. They just don’t understand.

So for all the men reading this post (Hi Alan!), I’d like to share some simple translations in Woman-Speak. Hope they come in handy!

 

WHEN YOU SAY: “Do you like this dress?”

YOU REALLY MEAN: “Quick! Tell me I look gorgeous. Also, tell me that this dress looks expensive.”

 

SAY: “Are you hungry?”

MEAN: “I’m hungry.”

 

SAY: “Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?”

MEAN: “I really want to go to our favorite local restaurant. I also want you to order dessert so I can have a bite.”

 

SAY: “Do you like the sweater my mom got you for Christmas?”

MEAN: “Do you like my gene pool?

 

SAY: “I’m going to yoga.”

MEAN: “You don’t know how lucky you are. I’ll come back in a better mood, and more flexible, to boot.”

 

 

 

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March 25, 2012

5 Quick & Easy Ways to Push A Man Away

I’ve told myself some wild stories in my dating life: He doesn’t like me. He thinks I’m too fat, too silly, too creative, too serious. He thinks I’m not smart enough, not sensitive enough, not wild enough, not cool enough, not blond enough, not tall enough. I’m too much. I’m not enough.

I just wanted to protect myself. I feared that the men in my life would verbalize any of the above wild stories. I was scared of getting hurt.

I realize now, that most men think we’re perfect. They wouldn’t change a thing. If only I’d known that then! Because if I had, I might not have devised….

5 Quick & Easy Ways to Push A Man Away. Read on at your own risk…

1. Make fun of him.

2. Convince yourself that he never wanted to be with you in the first place. Every split second that he isn’t fawning over you is an opportunity to remind yourself of this obvious fact.

3. Actively stop listening to him, mid-story. Look at something else in the room.

4. Tell him that you want him to respect you more. Provide no further instructions on how to go about doing that.

5. Put yourself down, physically. There is no right answer for a guy. He cannot ignore your comment, you’re obviously in pain. He cannot respond, you’ll only get madder.

Use these handy-dandy tips to avoid getting hurt. Or don’t, and allow the man in your life to get closer to your perfect, fabulous self. The decision is yours!

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March 23, 2012

The Best Long-Term Relationship Advice I Ever Got

I’m sipping a fruity, watered-down cocktail in the lobby of an anonymous airport hotel. The lighting is weird. The furniture is beige. There are conferences going on simultaneously in big staged rooms upstairs. And I’m attending one of them. Next to me, is a blond, hot-shot sales and marketing expert.  She teaches people how to sell. I was supposed to be talking to her about marketing. Instead, we’re having an oddly intimate conversation.

I couldn’t help notice her wedding band. Surely, she knew something about relationships? I asked her how she did it–How did she take her then Nice Boyfriend with her on her path to success? And now that he’s officially Mr. Blond Hot-Shot Sales and Marketing Expert, how do they keep it fun, fresh, and balanced? All while she brought in 7 figures last year?

She said: “I just asked myself: Can I laugh with this person every single day? The answer is yes. We laugh every day, and it’s gotten us through a LOT of difficult crap.”

Really, is that all? Sounds too simple to be true. So I tried it. I started to just think about laughing. And suddenly everything in front of me seemed a little more absurd, a little less serious, and a little more laughable. The things that stressed me out didn’t go away, they just begged to be approached with a good ol’ giggle. Exploding coffeemaker? Hilarious. Drills outside the apartment at 3am? Utterly ridiculous. The subsequent dark circles under my eyes? An excuse to make a trip to the make-up counter for under-eye concealer. I’m smiling just thinking about that one.

I take my laugher home, and it spreads. My Nice Boyfriend and I love to make each other laugh. And we keep on laughing because everything around us just got a whole lot funnier.

 

 

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March 21, 2012

Why Do Men Act So Weird?

Debbie asks: “Why do men act so weird?”

Before I respond, some background: Debbie is a very successful lady. She owns her own business. She is currently living the life she’s always wanted. She feels free, fulfilled, and happy. She is also, in my fair opinion, a looker. She’s healthy, fit, and beautiful. She meditates. I mean, come on, she’s SUCH a catch!!

She’s going back and forth over email with a new man. And he’s acting weird! He’s coming on strong, and then stepping waaaay back. He’s asking intimate questions that make Debbie feel slightly caught off-guard. Debbie doesn’t quite trust him, but she’s interested in getting to know him better. Hmmmmm…..

I answer: Dating is all about finding your match, right? And when a shiny, confident, all-around awesome lady like you, Debbie, dates, 2 Things Will Occur:

1) The men that don’t match up–those that have to stand on tippy toes just to meet you at eye-level, emotionally–will flounder about, make mistakes, and just act weird, or disappear altogether.

2) The men that DO match up–those that do meet you at eye-level or higher, emotionally–will be thrilled that someone else has arrived in their small(ish) pool of eligible folks.

Cliff Notes Version: The shiny, confident, all around-awesome men will show up. Everyone else will just be weird.

Debbie follows: How do I know if the man in question is in Category #1 or #2?

I answer a question with a question: Ask yourself, “How do I feel in his presence?” If you feel awkward, self-doubting, or confused, he’s in Category #1. If you feel at-ease, settled at the core of your belly, and yet giddy around the edges, he’s definitely in Category #2.

***Readers, what do you think? Why do men act so darn weird?

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March 14, 2012

Help…I’m Eating Like I’ll Never Date Again!

So I have this friend, Jill.

Jill is lovely, and blessed with a naturally tall, thin frame. She doesn’t get fat, she just gets “soft.” But to me, Jill always looks long and lithe.

However, Jill, like many women (myself included, during my dating days) links eating and body image to self-worth and dating. Abridged Version: More food in; Less going out.

This is crazy.  With a heaping dose of self-love and self-confidence, Jill is ready and able to date. If she believes she’s a sexy catch in the body she’s in, her dance card will be filled with men who couldn’t agree more.

That guy across the room doesn’t know that she had extra humentashen last night (Happy Purim!) or that Jill’s extra skinny jeans are no longer buttonable without exactly three deep squats and a flop on to the bed. No, Mr. Man-Across-The-Room isn’t thinking about any of that. Instead, he sees Pretty Jill. She smiles, and he thinks she’s the most radiant being he’s ever seen.

I know what you’re thinking….Great for Jill. But what about me? I don’t feel so hot in this body o’ mine. How do I gain self-love and self-confidence in my body?

1. Feed it. Enjoy every morsel that you put into your mouth. Your body needs it, or loves it, or BOTH.

2. Move it. Yoga, running, walking, stair climbing, horseback riding, whatever. A moving body is a happy body.

3. Adore it. Treat yourself well. Pamper yourself with scented moisturizer, a new hair do, or a manicure. Delight in your soft skin, your curves, and your shiny hair. It’s all yours, and it’s fabulous.

Self confidence. Get it, and start going out!

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March 11, 2012

5 Annoying Things I Would Never Do, Now That I Live With My Nice Boyfriend.

There are certain things I would never do, especially now that I live with my Nice Boyfriend. Nope, NEVER.

1. Fart in bed.

2. Floss in the kitchen.

3. Wake up at the crack of dawn to boil eggs, while my Nice Boyfriend is sleeping. Leave the pot to overflow.

4. Sing. Loud, off-key, and scat style.

5. Complain that my pants are uncomfortably tight. Wear said pants again the next day. And the next. Continue complaining.

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March 9, 2012

How To NOT Smother Your Boyfriend

My dear friend Ruth, who I’ve had the pleasure interviewing for The Dating Project, has been dating a great guy for a few months now. She asked, I answer.

I want to be open and warm and loving and attentive. But not smother my boyfriend. What should I be doing, or NOT doing?

Ruth, you are open, warm, loving and attentive. You’re one of the nicest people I know. You’re a pleasure to be around. You also have great friends, a loving family, and a creative career path.

So don’t hold back. And don’t worry about smothering your boyfriend. You won’t. You’re too solidly grounded in your own wonderful life to lose yourself in his. You have too many things going on to devote the time and effort it would take to smother your boyfriend. It’s not possible. You’re a busy girl with a big heart. You give him everything you feel comfortable giving him, and that’s a lot. But not too much. He won’t be scared of your kindness, he’ll be thrilled. Who wouldn’t love a sexy, gorgeous thing like yourself making nicey-nicey in their direction?

Go ahead, be as open, warm, loving and attentive as you are. You’re not going to overdo it.

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March 7, 2012

Top 10 Dating Tips: From Me. To Me.

Hello my loves! I’m still so ridiculously thrilled to present the Top 1o Dating Tips: From Me. To Me.!

Here’s the Deal: I have the honor of interviewing the bestest women on the planet for The Dating Project. And at the very end of these interviews, when the pen is down, the book is closed, the interview is ov-ah, I’ve been slipping in one more teensy-weensy little question:

“What Advice Would You Give Your 10-Year-Younger Self?”

Here’s what our women said:

1. Be more confident in yourself.

2. Have fun! Don’t be so serious about it.

3. Don’t have any regrets, everything you’re doing is perfect.

4. You have the power in the relationship.

5. Keep exercising. Even when you feel like it’s a lost cause. You need it to feel good in your body.

6. Allow yourself to get angry. It’s OK, it doesn’t mean you’re gonna break up.

7. Stop telling my mom about every first date. It’s emotionally exhausting.

8. It’s OK to be emotional.

9. You don’t have to work so hard to be sexy.

10. Focus more on yourself.

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March 6, 2012

Fast or Slow…Who Decides?

Yesterday I received a very interesting question from Ginger, a sexy red-headed lil’ lady. Ginger asked:

Do you think it’s the man’s job to set the pace of the relationship?  

Um, what? Dating is about YOU! Do you think the man has some secret pacing code that you have to decipher? No way, Jose. Your man is going with the flow and wondering (just like you!) how things will unfold.

My advice is to set the pace that makes YOU feel comfortable. You can change your mind as often as you like. Just remember that you MUST communicate with your man about said pace. Cause when you’re communicating, you’re in it together. And that’s the whole point, right?

Fast or slow, you decide.  Enjoy and have fun!!

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